Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
