so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
