Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
