i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
