How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I am one with the molecules
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
