so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
