Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
