Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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