so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
