I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
