so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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