I'm lost and stupid without you.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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