I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
