i think my mom watched the whole time
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
