DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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