mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
