We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
