He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
