Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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