He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize