No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize