Jerry, you need to find god
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
