my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
