I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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