So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
