I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
