Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
