I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
