cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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