return my video game
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize