You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
