1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
