physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
