And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
