Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
