the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
