I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
