And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
