i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's shark week go big or go home
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
