I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
