Are we in a gay sports bar?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize