Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
