"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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