I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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