if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
