Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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