I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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