I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize