is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
