true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
