I can tuck mytits in my pants
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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