You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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