If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
false alarm. still invincible.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
