So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
