need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize