I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
