Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
