just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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