Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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