Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
