Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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