hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
