just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize