I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize