so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
