I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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