I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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