I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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