I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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