I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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