it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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