Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
