Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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