Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
