its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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