just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
