Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
