I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
