Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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