wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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