dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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